By the end of my Junior curling career, I had competed in five Ontario Provincial Championships, three OUA Championships, one CIS Championship, and was an OCAA Champion. I won three varsity curling MVP awards from my high school and one in my freshman year in University. In my third year I won a coach-nominated award for my outstanding contribution to the overall athletic program at Trent University. I was not the most decorated curler in my age group, but I had always been a top contender in the Ottawa area.
In addition to my curling career, I was a competitive softball pitcher, a competitive soccer player, and was ranked 4th in Ottawa for 1500m track. I played on the A-squad for my middle school's basketball team and while I never tried out for the touch football team I can throw a mean spiral. Gym class was my favourite period and I spent my recesses in grade school playing tennis ball foot hockey in the alley with the boys. I was a jock who preferred to spend my weekends canoeing with my dad and playing sports with my friends to pretty much anything else.
At some point as I got older things started to change. When I was 18, I lost a close friend in a car accident and I couldn't deal with the overwhelming feeling of grief. I started drinking alcohol excessively. My family and friends were worried about me, so after some coaxing I made an appointment to go see a counsellor at my University. During the first session I was a complete mess. I cried in her office for an hour and at some point she told me that binge drinking was a totally valid coping mechanism. I never went back for another session.
In curling, you go into every end with a game plan. You want to take two, force to one, play the blank, etc. At a certain point in every end you decide whether or not it looks like you're going to meet your objective. If you're going hard for your two, but its looking like your opponent is setting up for a steal, you recognize the danger and you start to bail.
When I was 23 years old I found myself in an unhappy relationship, working three jobs, taking business courses at Algonquin College full-time, still drinking a lot, and still not involved in competitive sport. I had let myself get lazy and depressed and I was not liking the way my life was shaping up. One day, during an argument with my ex, I hit my breaking point and I decided that I needed to throw the bail shot. I ended our relationship and moved into a bachelor apartment with my dog, George. I was still reluctant to talk to a professional, but then I had a breakdown in my business program director's office. I had gone to meet with her about a class project and when I thanked her for her help I just started sobbing uncontrollably. She took me by the hand and walked me down to the counsellors office and waited with me until I could see someone. It was the best thing she could have done for me in that moment. I saw my counsellor once a week for a few months and I have to give both of those women credit for saving my life. I learned new, healthy ways to cope when it feels like the world is crashing down around me. I learned to listen to the cues that my body was giving me; to slow down and go to bed when I was tired. I learned that alcohol is fine to be enjoyed socially, but is not a very constructive way to deal with my problems.
During a session one day, my counsellor asked me what used to bring me joy when I was a kid. The first thing that came to mind was sport. She encouraged me to get back into competition and to start working out again. At the time, I was still playing in the Wednesday night cash league at The Ottawa Curling Club, but it was more of an excuse to go out and be social once a week. I signed up with the Ottawa Sport and Social Club to play softball in the spring/summer which was where I met a teammate who happened to be a personal trainer. I asked him one day if he would consider taking me on as a client and he agreed to help get me back into shape.
My first session was awful. We were doing a baseline assessment and I could barely do three push-ups. I knew I had let myself go, but I didn't realize how bad it was. I was angry and frustrated with myself. I should have been able to run one kilometre without getting winded, but I couldn't. Years of drinking excessively, eating crappy bar food, and living a fairly sedentary lifestyle had caught up with me. After I had been training for about a month, I was in the middle of a session at Mooney's Bay park when I broke down in tears. I was having trouble getting through the workout that day and I was just so mad at myself. My trainer did not have time for my self-pity party. He made me get up and finish the session even though I felt like I couldn't do it. He forced me to push through the pain and get to the finish line, no matter how hard it was or how long it took. After the workout he asked me how I felt. I told him that I felt proud of myself for the first time in a very long time.
Eventually, I started to look forward to my workouts. I became addicted to seeing the results and the positive changes in my body. I started to lose fat and gain muscle. I had more energy and my mood was generally more upbeat. I felt like eating healthy again. I felt more like myself than ever. My trainer accepted a job offer and moved to Zurich, Switzerland, but he left me with enough knowledge and the tools I needed to keep taking care of myself. He helped me through the hardest part of my recovery and I will be forever grateful to him for that. He also gets partial credit for saving my life.
I started curling competitively again. In 2012 I was playing as the unofficial fifth for Brit O'Neill. Jamie Sinclair was her vice at the time and was completing courses overseas, so I would fill in for her at tournaments when she couldn't make it back to Canada. The next season, Jamie moved to the United States and I officially took over her role as vice on the team. It was 2013 and my first full year on the competitive women's curling tour. We went 1-3 in every event we played in, but it felt good to be back.
At the end of that season, I decided to move from Ottawa to Toronto. I sold my car, packed my stuff into a U-Haul, and on May 1, 2014 I moved to the big smoke. Caitlin Romain got word of my relocation and picked me up to play second for her. While we looked promising at first, it became clear that we had different priorities and the team dissolved before the Ontario playdowns that year. I was feeling pretty discouraged with women's curling up to that point. It wasn't like juniors where everyone was committed to practicing and playing as much as possible. People had careers and families and other things in their adult lives that took priority. That was fine, but I wanted to win. I wanted to be the best. I had worked so hard to find my passion again and I was scared of what would happen if I gave up on it. When I was a kid I would dream about competing in the Olympics, but it never seemed like a real possibility, especially when my life fell off the rails. After the 2014/2015 season I was feeling skeptical about finding three other women who had the same drive and I was considering quitting again...
In addition to my curling career, I was a competitive softball pitcher, a competitive soccer player, and was ranked 4th in Ottawa for 1500m track. I played on the A-squad for my middle school's basketball team and while I never tried out for the touch football team I can throw a mean spiral. Gym class was my favourite period and I spent my recesses in grade school playing tennis ball foot hockey in the alley with the boys. I was a jock who preferred to spend my weekends canoeing with my dad and playing sports with my friends to pretty much anything else.
At some point as I got older things started to change. When I was 18, I lost a close friend in a car accident and I couldn't deal with the overwhelming feeling of grief. I started drinking alcohol excessively. My family and friends were worried about me, so after some coaxing I made an appointment to go see a counsellor at my University. During the first session I was a complete mess. I cried in her office for an hour and at some point she told me that binge drinking was a totally valid coping mechanism. I never went back for another session.
In curling, you go into every end with a game plan. You want to take two, force to one, play the blank, etc. At a certain point in every end you decide whether or not it looks like you're going to meet your objective. If you're going hard for your two, but its looking like your opponent is setting up for a steal, you recognize the danger and you start to bail.
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| George |
During a session one day, my counsellor asked me what used to bring me joy when I was a kid. The first thing that came to mind was sport. She encouraged me to get back into competition and to start working out again. At the time, I was still playing in the Wednesday night cash league at The Ottawa Curling Club, but it was more of an excuse to go out and be social once a week. I signed up with the Ottawa Sport and Social Club to play softball in the spring/summer which was where I met a teammate who happened to be a personal trainer. I asked him one day if he would consider taking me on as a client and he agreed to help get me back into shape.
My first session was awful. We were doing a baseline assessment and I could barely do three push-ups. I knew I had let myself go, but I didn't realize how bad it was. I was angry and frustrated with myself. I should have been able to run one kilometre without getting winded, but I couldn't. Years of drinking excessively, eating crappy bar food, and living a fairly sedentary lifestyle had caught up with me. After I had been training for about a month, I was in the middle of a session at Mooney's Bay park when I broke down in tears. I was having trouble getting through the workout that day and I was just so mad at myself. My trainer did not have time for my self-pity party. He made me get up and finish the session even though I felt like I couldn't do it. He forced me to push through the pain and get to the finish line, no matter how hard it was or how long it took. After the workout he asked me how I felt. I told him that I felt proud of myself for the first time in a very long time.
Eventually, I started to look forward to my workouts. I became addicted to seeing the results and the positive changes in my body. I started to lose fat and gain muscle. I had more energy and my mood was generally more upbeat. I felt like eating healthy again. I felt more like myself than ever. My trainer accepted a job offer and moved to Zurich, Switzerland, but he left me with enough knowledge and the tools I needed to keep taking care of myself. He helped me through the hardest part of my recovery and I will be forever grateful to him for that. He also gets partial credit for saving my life.
I started curling competitively again. In 2012 I was playing as the unofficial fifth for Brit O'Neill. Jamie Sinclair was her vice at the time and was completing courses overseas, so I would fill in for her at tournaments when she couldn't make it back to Canada. The next season, Jamie moved to the United States and I officially took over her role as vice on the team. It was 2013 and my first full year on the competitive women's curling tour. We went 1-3 in every event we played in, but it felt good to be back.
At the end of that season, I decided to move from Ottawa to Toronto. I sold my car, packed my stuff into a U-Haul, and on May 1, 2014 I moved to the big smoke. Caitlin Romain got word of my relocation and picked me up to play second for her. While we looked promising at first, it became clear that we had different priorities and the team dissolved before the Ontario playdowns that year. I was feeling pretty discouraged with women's curling up to that point. It wasn't like juniors where everyone was committed to practicing and playing as much as possible. People had careers and families and other things in their adult lives that took priority. That was fine, but I wanted to win. I wanted to be the best. I had worked so hard to find my passion again and I was scared of what would happen if I gave up on it. When I was a kid I would dream about competing in the Olympics, but it never seemed like a real possibility, especially when my life fell off the rails. After the 2014/2015 season I was feeling skeptical about finding three other women who had the same drive and I was considering quitting again...
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